


Not Useless

by ready_to_kick_some_ass



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blind Sherlock, Blindness, Caring John, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ready_to_kick_some_ass/pseuds/ready_to_kick_some_ass
Summary: Sherlock has always feared the dark. When he temporarily becomes blind, John's presence prevents him from drowning in the darkness and losing his mind.





	

He really tried to hide it.  
He really did.  
He tried to hide his despair over his situation. Tried to act like usual. Tried to be in control. Especially when John was around him.  
But after a few days of stumbling around, bumping into things, and not being able to see - not being able to see John! - anymore, he broke down.

To be blind had always been one of his worst nightmares.  
Since he was a child, he had feared the darkness. A darkness in which nothing offered a distraction. In which he would drown.  
He always woke up from these dreams with a scream.  
And now, it wasn’t a dream anymore.  
Now he really woke up in darkness.  
Now he really drowned in it. 

And even when the doctors said it would be temporary, he feared that he would live like this for the rest of his life.

And this thought drove him mad.  
He began to have depressive thoughts again.  
He began to feel the need for drugs again.  
He suddenly started to cry and couldn’t stop.  
And when he felt that it was all too much, he called John.  
His anchor.  
Even in the darkness. 

It was torture to not be able to see John. To see the warmth in his eyes, and his beautiful smile.  
It was horrible.  
But still, he could hear John’s voice. He could feel John’s touches, now more often, because John had to lead him around and had to help him shave.  
Those things, he thought, kept him from losing his mind completely …

But the despair didn’t leave him. And finally, he couldn’t hide it anymore …

“I’m useless, John,” he whispered, as John carefully shaved him one evening in the bath. “I’m useless.”

He felt how John stopped his movements.  
He felt the urge to cry.  
Why was John even still here?, he wondered bitterly. John shouldn’t see him like this. Broken and useless. 

Suddenly, he felt how John took his face into his warm hands.  
Sherlock flinched out of surprise, but then involuntarily leaned into the touch.  
“You’re not useless,” John said softly. “Stop thinking like that.”

“But, John, I can’t work anymore! I can’t function. I can’t be of any use to anyone now. And you shouldn’t burden yourself with me … with a broken, useless cripple …”

He heard how John drew a sharp breath. Then John whispered, “Is this what you’re thinking? Oh Sherlock …”  
John took his hands away and Sherlock swallowed.  
He heard, how John laid the blade away on … the sink? No, the closed lid cover.  
Then John shifted his place on the edge of the bathtub.  
Sherlock heard his slow, deep breathing.  
And then, John’s hands were back.  
They took Sherlock‘s own hands, and lead them until they landed … on John’s face.  
Sherlock drew a shuddering breath, when he felt John’s warm skin. His fingers on John’s cheeks and there … something wet.

“John,” Sherlock whispered.

John was … he was crying?  
Yes. 

“You’re not an useless cripple. You’re not a burden,” John said and it came out a bit choked. “You’re so brave and you don’t even know it. You’re such a strong, wonderful man …”

“John stop this. This is ridiculous,” Sherlock murmered in disbelief.

“No!” John said a bit too loudly and Sherlock flinched.

“No,” John repeated, this time more softly, “No. You ARE strong, brave and wonderful. I know that you’ve become used to hearing … other things. But please, believe me. What you did … for me, for other people, those are not things everyone does, Sherlock. And please stop thinking I would leave you just because you are sick. Everyone needs help from time to time. Everyone. And I’m here to help you. I will always be there.”

“John,” Sherlock murmered and now he really felt tears in his eyes. “Thank you …”

“We will go through this together, like we went through all the other shit. Because this is how we do things, right?” John asked, and Sherlock could hear his smile in his words.

“Yes,” he whispered, swallowing. He smiled too. 

“Now, let me finish this, ok? Right now, you’re looking rather patchy!”

Sherlock had to chuckle at John’s words. Then, John suddenly gave him a kiss on the forehead. It was a quick, volatile one, but it was a kiss. A warm kiss.  
Sherlock held his breath for a moment, and he heard John draw a loud breath. 

When Sherlock lay in his bed in darkness, he remembered this little kiss until he fell asleep.  
He didn’t dream. 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> The blind-Sherlock theories for season 4 on tumblr inspired me to write this ficlet.  
> Corrected by [bakerstreet-irregular](http://bakerstreet-irregular.tumblr.com/).  
> Visit me on [Tumblr](http://currently-in-my-mind-palace.tumblr.com/) for more! :)


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